Skin just shrivles. 2 weeks into my injury.

I find myself inadvertently always pivoting with my left leg, the one that’s injured. I didn’t realize how significant pivoting actually is when traveling by foot. But the continued practice is increasing my pain. I guess I should stop trying to walk, considering I’ve recently learned that the only way my knee will ever function again is through surgery. Quite frankly I’m frightened. I’m panicked. I just don’t want to die. What if I die during my surgery? What if they give me so much sedation that my poor, little body won’t be able to take it??? Or what if the doctor accidentally sneezes and involuntarily moves his arthroscope and slices something other than my meniscus???

Today, I left my house alone for the first time. I had this uncontrollable craving for something sweet, like ice cream or gum. I think not being able to have these items so available to me has caused my motivation. I struggled and dragged myself down the steps and onto the streets. Women told their children to not stare. I hate that. It's not like I'm missing a leg. And it’s not my fault I’m on crutches. But for the first time ever, I realized that tanning spray, lip gloss and zebra printed toe nails mean absolutely nothing when you can’t walk. They mean nothing when you’re sick; when you’re dying…. I’ve been cooped in my room for over a week, without any visits, any flowers or cards. I haven’t had a man look at me in nine days and I just don’t care how pampered I seem or not. Skin just shrivles up when you’re old and nothing lasts forever. Now that I’m injured, all I want is to get better.